The three top contenders from the Blogville New Year's Eve Comedy Night have submitted their best jokes to make you laugh.
Please vote for your favourite joke in the comments below. Votes will be accepted until 6 pm EST on on Sunday January 12. The winner will be announced by 9 pm EST that evening.
Put on your depends and get ready to laugh your pants off!
Molly the Wally from http://mollythewally.blogspot.co.uk
An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him. He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, the eternal pessimist who refused to be impressed with anything. This, surely, would impress him. He invited him to hunt with him and his new dog. As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it. The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word. On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, “Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?” “I sure did,” responded the pessimist. “He can’t swim.”
Sarge from http://sargespeaksout.blogspot.ca
One day, a farmer was tending to his livestock when he noticed that one of his cows was completely cross-eyed. He called up a veterinarian who told him to bring in his cow. The vet took one look at the cow, stuck a tube up the cow's butt, and blew into the tube until the cow's eyes straightened out. The vet charged the farmer a hundred bucks, and the farmer went home happy. About a week later, the cow's eyes were cross-eyed again, but this time the farmer figured he could probably take care of it himself. So he called his hired hand over, and together they put a tube up the cow's butt. The farmer put his lips to the tube and started to blow. Strangely, nothing happened, so he asked his hired hand to give it a try. The hired hand removed the tube, turned it around, put it in the cow's butt and started to blow.
"What are you doing?" asked the farmer, horrified.
"Well, I wasn't gonna use the side that YOU put your lips on."
Daisy, Bella and Roxy from http://scotsmad.blogspot.ca
A woman took her old, very sick dog to the Vets and was told that there was nothing that could be done for the dog.....$25, please.
She said to the Vet...$25? You haven't done anything or checked him.
The doctor disappeared for a few minutes and returned with a Labrador who sniffed the lady's dog. The doctor returned with a cat, who stared at the dog.
Then the doctor said, "I'm sorry, but there's nothing we can do for your dog....that'll be $150."
The woman was incensed "You just told me that and said it would be only $25! Now you say $150!
"Yes", said the doctor, "but that was before we did the Lab Report and Cat Scan!"
Who do you think should be named funniest dog in Blogville? VOTE NOW!