Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Blogville 2014 New Year's Eve Bash - Make the Old Cats Laugh Comedy Hour

From Your Hosts Bagheera and Nin:

Thank you for coming to our comedy hour. We hope this hour will be entertaining. We are old and not going to waste the precious time we have left figuring out how to do a fancy vote thingy. We have sunbeams to lay in and food to whine for. Vote for your favourite joke by leaving a comment below. We have a prize for the person with the most votes. Voting will close on January 2nd at 6 pm EST. Any comments after that time won't count. We are giving 2 days to vote so if you have a little too much holiday cheer and are having trouble using the computer you have some time to recover.

The entries are in the order (or close to the order) we received them, so they are random.

Sit back and be prepared to pee your pants laughing!

Comedian #1 Frankie and Ernie from  frankiefurterprice.blogspot.com.

Did you hear the one about the Squirrel RACING up the Tree 87 miles an hour?
He heard that someone was wanting to ROAST his Chest and  NUTS.

Do you know what Squirrels Hate having poured over them?


Do you know that Squirrels FEAR most?

 One of US with a NEW COOK BOOK

Hey Everybuddy... the peeps are ALL excited to hear that THEIR Beloved   YouTube, Twitter, and FaceBook thingys are all going to MERGE into a NEW thingy...     CALLED:

What did the SnowFreak say when he discovered two lumps of coal in his Stocking?
       "I CAN SEE....   I CAN SEE "

Frankie and Ernie squirrel hunting
Comedian 2: Madi from http://downhomeinnc.blogspot.ca

Q:Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of yarn

A: She had a litter of mittens

Q: What do you get if you cross a cat with a bottle of vinegar?

A: A sourpuss

Q: What do you call a cat who just ate a duck?

A. A duck-filled platypuss

Comedian #3 Daisy, Bella and Roxy from scotsmad.blogspot.com.

A woman was driving down the road when she saw a  delivery truck broken down on the side of the road.  She asked if she could help.  And the driver said, "I've got to wait here for a tow, but I've got a load of penguins I have to take to the zoo.  If I give you $50, could you take them?"
"Sure", she said and filled her car with the penguins.
Soon she was pulled over by the police and informed that she couldn't drive around with unrestrained penguins in her car.
She explained that she was taking them to the zoo, so the policeman let her go.
The next day, the policeman was shocked and annoyed to see her again with the penguins.  He pulled her over and said "Yesterday, you told me you were taking these penguins to the zoo and here you are driving around with them again!!
"Yes, I did, and we had such a good time, I'm taking them to the movies today".

"A man walks in a zoo and sees only one dog there"

"It was a shih tzu"

Do you get it??? It was a shih tzu bwhaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

Comedian # 5 Molly the Wally from http://mollythewally.blogspot.co.uk

On New Year's Eve, Daniel was in no shape to drive, so he sensibly left his van in the car park and walked home.  As he was wobbling along, he was stopped by a policeman.  'What are you doing out here at four o'clock in the morning?' asked the police officer.
'I'm on my way to a lecture,' answered Roger.
'And who on earth, in their right mind, is going to give a lecture at this time on New Year's Eve?' enquired the constable sarcastically.
'My wife,' slurred Daniel grimly.  

Comedian #6 Ranger from http://ranger-scottie.blogspot.com/

A couple of peeps are arguing about whose dog is smarter.

"My dog is so smart," says the first peep, "that every morning he waits for the paperboy to come around. He tips the kid and then brings the newspaper to me, along with my morning coffee."

"I know," says the second peep.

"How do you know?"

"My dog told me."
Why do squirrels swin on there back? 

 To keep their nuts dry! 
There were four county churches in a small Scottish town: The Presbyterian Church, the Baptist Church, the Methodist Church and the Catholic Church. Each church was overrun with pesky squirrels.

One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with Gods divine will.

In the Baptist Church the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a large plywood cover on the baptistery and flood it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week.

The Methodist group got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of Gods creation. So, they humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.
But  the Catholic Church came up with the best and most effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.


Comedian #7 Up next is Wyatt and Stanzie from http://wyattgardens.blogspot.ca

Dog License

During a country-wide drive to round up al unlicensed dogs, a patrolman signaled a car to pull over to the curb.

When the drive asked why he had been stopped, the officer pointed to the big dog sitting on the seat beside him and asked, “Des your dog have a license?”

“No,” the man said, “He doesn’t need one.”

“Yes, he does,” answered the officer.

“But,” said the driver, “I always do all the driving.”

Canine Complex

A man walked into the office of the eminent psychiatrist Dr. Heidber, and sat down to explain his problem.

“Doctor, doctor! I’ve got this problem, the main said. “I keep hallucinating that I’m a dog. It’s crazy. I don’t know what to do!”

“A common canine complex,” said the doctor soothingly. “Relax. Come here and lie down on the couch.”

“Oh, no, Doctor,” the man said nervously. “I’m not allowed up on the furniture.”

Clever Dog

A wife says to her husband one weekend morning, “We’ve got such a clever dog. He brings in the daily newspapers every morning.”

Her husband replies, “Well, lots of dogs can do that.”

The wife responded, “But we’ve never subscribed to any papers!

Comedian #8: Sarge from http://sargespeaksout.blogspot.ca

Hey everyone!   Wow, it’s nice to be here with all of you for Blogville’s New Year’s Eve Bash.   I'm Sarge. 
New Year’s is a fun time, isn’t it?   Yeah, it can be a little difficult too if you hit the bar too hard.   Last year a furiend of mine was staggering home after an Eve party and got stopped by a local cop.   The cop says to him “What are you doing out here at four in the morning?”   My buddy says “I’m on my way to a lecture.”  The cop says “And who on earth in their right mind is going to give a lecture at this time on New Year’s Eve?”   My buddy slurred “My WIFE!”

I had another friend who was spending last New Year’s Eve in her favorite pub when she suddenly felt all festive and happy.   She jumped up on the bar and announced that at midnight she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living.   Yeah, at the stroke of midnight the bartender was nearly crushed to death!   BWAR HAR HAR  
A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.   Isn’t it?!?  New Years Eve is the only acceptable time to wear body glitter without being mistaken for a stripper!

My Mom’s a blonde…did you know that?     She loves a good blonde joke, so here are a few I think you’ll like too.
A redhead tells her blonde sister, "I slept with a Brazilian."
The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"

Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
A: Because it said 'concentrate'.

Q: What goes: vroooom-schreech, vrooom-schreech, vroooom-schreech?
A: A blonde at a flashing red light
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath?
A: She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.

Thanks for being here everyone!   I appreciate the laughs.   Enjoy the rest of the show folks!
Comedian #9 Murphy & Stanley from http://murphyandstanley.blogspot.ca
These are some of my and Stanley's favorite jokes.
Q:  What do you get when you cross a dog with a telephone?   
A:  A golden receiver!
Q: Why do dogs bury bones in the ground?

A: Because you can't bury them in trees!

Q: Why did the poor dog chase his own tail?

A: He was trying to make both ends meet!

Q: What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose?

A: A collie-flower!

Q: Why do dogs wag their tails?

A: "Because no one else will do it for them!"

Q: Why didn't the dog speak to his foot?

A: Because it's not polite to talk back to your paw!

Comedian #10 Sweet William from http://sweetwilliamthescot.blogspot.ca

Comedian #11 Lassie and Benji from  www.lassiterchase.blogspot.com

Lassie: Hey Benji, what do you get when you combine a Tooth and a House, with a Fort, and a Teenager?
Benji: I don’t know – what do you get?
Benji:  I don’t get it...
Lassie: Just say it fast a couple of times…
Benji:  Too-thHouse-and Fort-Teen…
Benji: Too –thous-and-for-teen…
Benji:  I get it…
Happy New Year, From Lassie and Benji.

We are so glad we don't get to vote as everyone was so funny. You made us old cats laugh, thanks.
Record the name or number of your favourite comedian in the comments below. You have until January 2 at 6pm to vote. Winner will be announced on the 3rd.


  1. We thought everyone was hilarious but since we are still thinking about penguins at the movies we will vote for 3.

    Your Pals from Bad Dawg Agency,

    Murphy and Stanley

  2. Oh there are just so many sillies!
    A Very Happy New Year to you Bagheera and Nin and Lee and Phod.
    Peace and Love
    Sweet William The Scot ~ AKA Rockin Wills

  3. OMD we spat tea all over the keyboard. Yikes how can we vote they are all so good? We cheated and picked a number it was 8 and it was Sarge. Nice one Bag and Nin. We loved it.
    Have a terrific Tuesday.
    Best wishes Molly

  4. BOL! These are great! Blogville definitely needs its own comedy club, that is for sure

  5. BOL these are all great!!! we will have to come back later to vote, cause Mom is at work and we want to read them all again!!!
    Mr Bailey, Hazel & Greta

  6. Wow, Baggy and Nin, you did a wonderful job coordinating the big show! OMD/OMC I laughed my tail off and my peeps are rolling on the floor. What a great group of acts. I hate to vote for just one since so many were funny. I'll vote for Sasha and her Shih ZOO! Oh, BWAR HAR HAR she's a funny furiend!
    Thanks so much for hosting this for everyone! Great job and congrats on the successful show!
    Grr and Woof,
    Sarge, Party Animal

  7. HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU BAGGY AND NIN... AND THANKS FUR PUTTIN ON THE COMEDY CLUB...............BUTT our mom is gonna be REALLY Peed Off.... beclaws EVERY CHAIR in the HOUSE is now SOAKED with PEE... beclaws we were all laughing too hard to hold it in. SORRY.
    Now we are gonna go OUT an Visit a couple trees... and then come BACK and TRY to vote fur just ONE.

  8. Since I Pawformed I let ERNIE Chews who to Vote fur... he says # 3

    BUTT we BOTH agree that Everybuddy was WONDERFUL and Really had us ROLLIN in the Aisles. BRAVO to EVERYBUDDY. We gotta make this a PERMANENT thingy fur ALL major Blogville EVENTS...

    We liked 3 and 11!!!
    Hugs Madi and thanks so much for hosting this fun event.

  10. Hahaha! Hilarious!!!
    Hope u have a Happy New Year!!
    ((Husky hugz))
    "Love is being owned by a husky"

  11. We got LOADS of chuckles out of those. Great way to wake up to 2014. Going to be hard to choose one to vote for.

    XXXOOO Daisy, Bella & Roxy

    We're going to say 5, but we loved them all. Great event guys.

  12. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (wipes away tears)...oh my gosh, I can not stop laughin'. Oh geez, everybuddy was really spectacular. I had no idea da comedy geniousness everybuddy has.
    I is gonna be laughin' fur days and days nows.

    Puddles...Head Bartender

  13. Okay, Hailey and I came back to hear the rest of the performers and visit these laughs again! OMD/OMC these are hysterical. The comedy show was a fabulous hit fur sure! Thanks for setting up the chuckles.
    Grr and Woof,
    Sarge, Party Animal

  14. BAWAHWHAHHWHAHWAAWA that has to be the bezt comedy ever.. Molly the Wally love'z Gravy with her Squirrels.. Oh youz made uz laugh our pant'z off. xxxxooxxxx

    Mollie and Alfie

    1. What? Ya didn't vote for me sweetie? Next time I'm gonna have to tell some Mollie jokes.

  15. Wow that's much better than all comedy shows in TV. Comedy for pets made by pets. Great!

  16. They are all fab but I vote for Molly the wally :-)

  17. Oh good grief, I had no idea there were so many talented and funny dogs in blogville! I think I'm going to like it here!


  18. We vote fur number 7, Wyatt and Stanzie. Since we r Blogvilles Dogtors. We laughed at the joke about the doctor. Medical humor. Lol. Anyway, if anyone needs any Depends undergarments from laughing so hard at all of these great jokes - just stop by the Blogville Ambulance over near the gazebo at the ball drop.

  19. BOL! I love a good joke! I'm voting for #8. My peep's a blonde and always loves a good story about her roots. Thanks for hosting such a fun time!
    Happy NYE!

  20. BOL…. ROTFL. The are all great by I have to say….. Sarge got me wiff the blonde jokes. My Mom is Loreal Blonde too. So…. I'm voting for #8.

  21. BOL!!!!! I love it!!! you all did such a great job!!! :) Happy New Year everyone!!! :)

  22. Holy Guacamole! Those were all so dang funny, we can't stop snorting. We're thrilled that everyone is having a blast ringing in 2014! It's so hard to vote for just one..... OK, we're picking #4 ~ Sasha.

    Happy New Year!!

    Lily Belle & Muffin

  23. WE hope that everybuddy got lots of PAWtographs.. so they can sell them fur 87 bazillion bucks when all these comedians are FAMOUS... JUST SAYIN.

  24. OMD BOL BOL, my sides hurt from laughing so hard!! Everyone was sooooooo great. It is so hard to pick just one but I will go with #1. I am exhausted, time for another drink and some eats. Thanks for a good time. I am gonna come back and laugh some more after a few drinks .

    Loveys Sasha

  25. MOL, BOL, LOL!
    We are laughing and clapping and rolling on the floor. All of the comedians are fabulous.
    Thanks for hosting the comedy club.

    Happy New Year,
    Cindi Lou & The Kitty Krew

  26. BOL BOL...now that is some funny stuff! We vote for #6 Ranger, cuz we got a big giggle thinking about Catholic Squirrels :)

    Wyatt and Stanzie

  27. OMD this is my third trip back because I'm loving these acts and the hysterical comments! Oh, BWAR HAR HAR. Well, I also had to write a few of these down for Mom....her blond thing you know...she'll never remember them if I don't write them down. BOL
    Grr and Woof,
    Sarge, Party Animal

  28. This was so much fun. We liked Madi and her mittens joke the best.

  29. I am having such a good time., and I am still listening to everyones jokes!

  30. OMD they are all too funny, but we like Rangers squirrels in the church joke!!!

  31. Hey Baggy and Nin!
    Wow, concats on such a successful event! Everyone really enjoyed the laughs. Thanks so much for your hard work and your show helped make the bash extra special. I'm sending your whole family wishes for a wonderful New Year!
    BTW: Be sure to stop by the bar soon to get your champagne so you are ready for the big midnight countdown and toast!
    Grr and Woof,
    Sarge, Party Animal

  32. BTW again: Sam his his red wagon all powered up now and ready for trips to get everyone home safely in case you're looking for a ride! :)

  33. Lots of good giggles there. opps to late to vote....dad-gum-it!

    The Mad scots


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