Hi, I am Hailey. You may know me from my blogged adventures. I am here to talk to you today about a very serious issue – the very evil rodent - the squirrel. I feel it is my duty to inform you humans that these creatures are trying to take over the world.
As a dog, I am privy to information that your species is missing. When they are making that “cute” chirping noise, they are actually communicating and planning their attack on the world. They are also taunting us dogs who are the only creature that appears to be able to understand what they are saying. Earlier this week at the park one squirrel said to me “It is coming soon, the day we rule the world and there is nothing you can do about it you stupid beast!”
Here are some other important facts to know about squirrels which further prove they are out to get us:
1) There are over 200 species of squirrels according to National Geographic (I think by diversifying they are trying to appear less dangerous and divided. But be warned the flying squirrels air attack will be coordinated with the ground squirrels land offensive).
2) Squirrels have been living on the planet for at least 36 million years, which has given them a very long time to plan their attack.
3) Their main weapon, their teeth, grow every day of their lives, meaning they only becomes more dangerous.
4) Most can gestate in 33 to 60 days meaning that they can repopulate much faster than many other creatures (especially humans)
5) They are known as the cleanest rodents. I believe they do this to try and trick humans into believing they are cute and sweet, but really they are just biding their time to attack.
6) The world wide population of squirrels is unknown. I believe they are hiding their numbers in order to have a surprise attack.
The next time you see one of these evil creatures, do not offer them a peanut; do not call them cute; do not swerve to miss them when they run across the street in front of your car (which is a ploy to cause you to have an accident and decrease your numbers); do not stop your dog from making one a snack. Instead starve them or run them over. If you do not, soon they will take over the world.
I leave you with a quote from Dug the dog from the movie Up. I really think is communicates my message. “A squirrel walks up to a tree and says, "I forgot to store acorns for the winter and now I am dead." Ha! It is funny because the squirrel gets dead.”
|This picture taken from Google images shows a squirrel at a secret training facility.|
Thank you for attending to this important message. Eliminate the squirrels!