Grief at Month 17

Wow, it has been a long time since we lost our beloved Gemini in an accident (which I witnessed). I haven't written about my grief and mild form of post traumatic stress disorder (which makes this much different then my grief over my little Loki ) for some time because it hasn't really been a problem. While I can still feel sad, it hasn't been the overwhelming, crushing sense of sadness like the first few months.

Hurray up, you are boring me!

However, I had a bit of a minor set back over the holidays. We finally got around to hanging some of the pictures in our house (I know almost 5 months and it hadn't been done). During this we came across some baby pictures of our Gemi. It made me very sad. That night I went to bed and all I did was dream about my little angel. She was sitting on this red blanket we had before someone destroyed it (by someone I mean Hailey), yawning and looking bored (Gemi style) while I was making videos of her.

Like most of my dream, this dream was so vivid and real, and it brought up my feelings of loss. I felt that big crushing sense of grief which, as I said, I hadn't felt for months. I was able to keep busy that day cleaning (and was able to prevent it from completely paralyzing me as it has in the past) and we had company for dinner and this helped.

It will be ok mom

It is a reminder to me that the break in my heart will always be there, it will never fully heal. But now I know, I can work through it and it will pass and I will then be left with the happier memories of the time I spent with my Gemi.