Guilt

Since I got Lee in September there has been a slight change to my work life.  I now have to be out of town about 2 nights a week. (I know it seems like more, but I don’t usually go to Bali for 3 weeks, and my conference is only 1 time a year). This does not seem completely unreasonable. I think for the most part I am a good dog owner. I live my life around my dogs. However, I have this tremendous guilt about it.

This is caused in part by the fact that while my husband adores them and does things with them, the agreement when we got them was they were my dogs. I am responsible for being the primary caregiver. Now before I took this work, he said he had no problem with it and encouraged it. He has been great with it. But I still feel bad for violating our agreement.

The second part is the dogs themselves. When I was leaving Wednesday morning, Hailey gave me those eyes, those eyes that all dog owners know. The “I can’t believe you are leaving me again. Don’t you love me?” eyes. They just break your heart. I felt bad about them the whole 3 hour drive!

Then I feel bad for missing moments of their short lives. My guilt was made worse Wednesday evening when that big thunderstorm moved in. (We had one where I was as well, I think a lot of the province did). I knew that my husband wouldn’t be home from work yet and she would be alone. I wanted to get in my car and drive home to give her a hug! My poor baby! I missed Hailey catching her first squirrel. I often miss other cute things.

The last part is the home coming. They both act like I was away forever. Lee is ecstatic to see me. While I know this is in part because she missed me, one can’t help feel loved. But I feel bad to make her think that she missed me that much. Gemi on the other hand does the “I am excited to see you” for about 3 minutes and then she remembers that I left her and she gets mad at me and sits and gives me the glare of death. If I  try and give her attention my little drama queen purposely looks the other way. After a few hours she comes around and will be friends again. She decides when, she comes over and demands love.

I must say I don’t know how working parents do it! Maybe kids are easier to leaveJ

Getting LeeLee love after my return