Second Monkey Death

A second monkey has been killed in an Ottawa neighbourhood.

Phallic Monkey was found dead last night, his throat split, in his home. Police say he had only been dead for a short time. Police refuse to say if this case is linked to the previous Monkey killing.

Witnesses say that Phallic Monkey and Miss Hailey Bug were seen fighting several times in the past month.  One witness, who asked to keep his identity a secret, said “Those two did not get along at all. They were always fighting. Phallic Monkey was clearly in distress. I offered to call the police several time but they both said they would work it out.”

When asked, Miss Bug said “I have an alibi. Please contact my attorney if you have further questions.”

Phallic Monkey’s family would not comment on their loss.

Police say the investigation is ongoing.